Humor

Obscurer Staff Eagerly Awaits Death of Viewpoint Author’s Social Life
'Jesus H. Christ' signature appears in uninvite Vice President Pencil petition
Three Tips to Perfect Your Lenten Sacrifice

Three Tips to Perfect Your Lenten Sacrifice

Author: Julia Oksasoglu

Lenten season is underway, and it’s time to be choose what to give up and how to tell everyone you know, have ever met or driven next to on the freeway. Don’t miss these three tips to truly make the most of your metaphorical 40-days-in-the-desert.

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The Five Stages of Grief (for Students Coping with Utter Failure)
Student's Dad Not Actually Republican

Student's Dad Not Actually Republican

Author: Jarissa Sabal

Notre Dame freshman Grace Muro came to college excited to explore new frontiers of societal rage, and this past election certainly didn’t disappoint. Unfortunately, however, Grace reports that during the election she often felt she couldn’t keep up with her friends — she just doesn’t have enough hardship to complain about.

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Deepak Chopra Crushed to Learn DPAC Not Named After Him
Is It Okay to Punch a Nazi in the Face? Point/Counterpoint

Is It Okay to Punch a Nazi in the Face? Point/Counterpoint

Author: Liz Hynes

The Argument Against:

No! Violence is WRONG! Punching a Nazi brings you down to their level. By shoving your fist forcefully into their face, you are just as bad as the people whose words and actions made the Holocaust possible. Wars are not won with violence: They are won…

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Winter on the Quad

Winter on the Quad

Author: Megan Valley

Senior and proud Minnesotan John McNeill was seen walking around campus in shorts, a bro-tank and flip flops in late January after second semester started off with a heat wave. 

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Student Sues Professor over Failing Grade, Citing
To her horror, sophomore realizes three minutes into meal that this is a dining hall date
Student Exhibits Appropriate Emotional Response Following Football Loss
College student begs Santa to pay off interest on student loans
5 Remaining Brian Kelly Horcruxes to Destroy Before 2017 Season
Area male sees nearby SMC student, is convinced she is ungodly attracted to him.
All the Times I Have Embarrassed Myself in a Fast Food Restaurant
Party Super Lame Compared to How It Looked on Snapchat

Party Super Lame Compared to How It Looked on Snapchat

Author: Molly Murphy

It’s Saturday night. Your friends have dragged you to a party when all you wanted was to Netflix Gilmore Girls in your bed. Like a three-year-old, you declare, “Fine, I’ll go, but I won’t have fun.” And you mean it.

You put your hair in a low bun, the universal sign of minimal effort, and step…

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Scenes from the Trump-Pence Women's Empowerment Tour

Scenes from the Trump-Pence Women's Empowerment Tour

Author: Liz Hynes

Throughout the past few weeks of the presidential campaign, the Republican ticket has begun a concentrated effort to boost its approval ratings among women voters. Scholastic tagged along for one stop on the “Trump-Pence Women’s Empowerment Tour,” a strategy which daughter-in-law Lara Trump says focuses…

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Student Wonders If It Would Be Possible to Write in Corey Robinson
Stein Thrilled That Running for President Has Finally Given Her 90s Folk-Rock Band Push It Needed
5 People to Unfriend this Election Season

5 People to Unfriend this Election Season

Author: Megan Valley

Every election season, Facebook and Twitter unite forces to amplify the ignorant, under-researched and highly irritating opinions that you don’t really care all that much about beyond the pictures of their dogs that they share sometimes. This election season, here are five people making their voices…

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Lost in Acres of Corn, Kaine Stumbles upon Notre Dame

Lost in Acres of Corn, Kaine Stumbles upon Notre Dame

Author: Jared Anderson Pino

Walking to my home in Siegfried, I overheard a student criticizing our government. With a smirk, he intellectually pondered, “What the HELL does our vice president do?” while reversing his ‘Make America Great Again’ cap. In an attempt to solve this mystery for my fellow classmate, I’ve done the research…

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Desperate for Acceptance, Johnson Applies for Local Grocery Store Rewards Card
A Message from Fr. John I. Jenkins

A Message from Fr. John I. Jenkins

Author: Liz Hynes

Students, faculty, staff, most beloved and generous donors: Welcome to another year at Our Lady’s University.

You’ve likely already noticed some changes on campus, such as the creation of two new dorms and a new worldclass research facility.

All three buildings stand proudly on our brand…

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Auntie Mae's Advice Column for Lovelorn (or Just Awkward) Notre Dame Students
Bernie Sanders Praises South Dining Hall “Tray Inconvenience”

Bernie Sanders Praises South Dining Hall “Tray Inconvenience”

Author: Liz Hynes

With “nothing better to do” now that his campaign has officially ceased, former Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders visited Notre Dame to explore the university’s groundbreaking new sustainability initiative: “Inconvenient Trays.”

“See, the trays used to be over here,” University…

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Reunite the Original American Idol Judges to Judge the 2016 Presidential Debates
God Orders October Snowfall Following College Republicans Trump Endorsement
The Big Easy

The Big Easy

Author: Jaleel Blanchard

Man Calling Himself “Big Easy Bill” Offers Saxophone Lessons for Clinton

Though once a Bernie Sanders supporter, 18-year-old Eric Bartens is now waving a Clinton flag. When asked about the sudden change, Barten noted, “Some old guy with a funny accent behind my school said he’d buy me a Playstation…

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The Most Important Office Hours You'll Ever Attend

The Most Important Office Hours You'll Ever Attend

Author: Julia Oksasoglu

It’s 1:30 a.m. on a Tuesday night, and you’re winding down for bed before your 9:25 tomorrow morning. You hop in bed, annoyed that your roommate isn’t even turning off the bedroom light and using the less-bright lamp by the futon to keep studying. You try for a few passive aggressive yawns, hoping…

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