Scenes from the Trump-Pence Women's Empowerment Tour

Author: Liz Hynes

Throughout the past few weeks of the presidential campaign, the Republican ticket has begun a concentrated effort to boost its approval ratings among women voters. Scholastic tagged along for one stop on the “Trump-Pence Women’s Empowerment Tour,” a strategy which daughter-in-law Lara Trump says focuses on “women that [Donald Trump] has touched in very different ways.”

The day’s event included two keynote speakers. Rudy Giuliani took the stage first to thunderous applause. The former mayor of New York City received cheers from the crowd after reiterating his suspicions that Hillary Clinton was not present in New York during the September 11 attacks. He also pointed out other notable Clinton absences that the liberal media has largely ignored. “I visited the White House many times when Bill Clinton was president,” Giuliani claimed, “and I don’t ever remember seeing Hillary Clinton there. But I know she must have been in there somewhere, because she didn’t have the guts to leave her cheating husband. So stupid! Typical woman behavior.”

The crowd went wild as Giuliani continued, “As a matter of fact, a buddy of mine attended Yale the year Hillary said she did — but he doesn’t remember seeing her at all!” As the crowd’s fury grew in volume, Giuliani pressed on: “And what’s more, I spoke to the doctor that did Hillary’s mother’s ultrasound — he doesn’t remember seeing anything in there at all!”

Giuliani exited as the frenzied crowd began to chant: “HOLOGRAM! HOLOGRAM! HOLOGRAM!” An energetic Scott Baio took his place, ready to talk about lewd comments Trump made in 2005.

Towards the end of his speech, over chants of “CHACHI,” Baio spoke directly to the empowered women in the audience. “Look, ladies ... despite what the liberal media wants you to think, Mr. Trump and Billy Bush were just a couple of regular old guys bein’ dudes.”

And so finished the Trump-Pence Women’s Empowerment Tour. Baio and Giuliani took the stage once more, together, clasping hands and waving to the crowd, before exiting amid a sea of thunderous supporters chanting “GUYS BEING DUDES! GUYS BEING DUDES! GUYS BEING DUDES!”that he’s considering for other options.