Vol.No.
Before I left for my year abroad in America, all I heard was, “Oh, the...
With current regulations loosening, NDTV has decided to resurrect this show with a fresh cast of characters and a new romantic star.
There is a lethargy haunting the quiet quadrangles of our quaint university.
Groundbreaking information has recently been brought to light surrounding the underground gambling ring that exists under Notre Dame Stadium.
A new banner replaces the HERE sign hanging down the front of the main building: “Survivor’s” iconic oval logo stamped with “outwit, outplay, outlast.”
Rev. JayJay Jaykins has assumed emergency authority, consolidating all university power beneath his office.
One student, who I’ll call Jack, opened my eyes to an underground squash ring that flew in the face of university pandemic policies. He also consented to me using his quotes in this article under the condition of anonymity.
After watching the award-winning documentary “Icarus” on Netflix over winter break, Nick Salivatti had an idea. Inspired by the elaborate blood swapping scheme that allowed Russian athletes to test negative for use of performance-enhancing drugs, Salivatti realized he could run a similar racket based on campus’s hottest commodity: COVID-free spit.
Controversy erupted on South Quad this past weekend as a ragtag group of extreme outdoorsmen showed up to newly established South Lodge expecting to find an actual hiking lodge.
Upon returning to campus after a two-month sabbatical, the worry of contracting COVID-19 has been replaced by an even more pressing threat to physical health: Notre Dame students have lost their investment in the university’s toilet tissue issue. Not only is the excitement of returning to campus disrupted by the gaping holes between stalls which permit the awkward locking of eyes with fellow Domers, students are also forced to endure ultra-rough and not-so-quilted TP across campus.
So you’re single … you must be or you wouldn’t be reading this incredibly helpful article on being single.
Notre Dame students aren’t the only ones struggling to make ends meet this semester. Data from the Department of Even Micro-er Economics on campus shows that the leftover food market, a main source of economic activity for the cockroach population, has nearly ground to a halt.
Now that over 10 percent of Notre Dame’s student body has officially contracted COVID-19, we here at Scholastic thought that we should provide a handy email template for informing your friends, family, professors and any other parties about your COVID-19 diagnosis.
When gearing up to return back to campus, many students were concerned about their chances of contracting COVID-19, on top of many other perilous threats. In the scramble, we never saw the bees coming.
Adirondack chairs. Fire pits. Those lights that make you feel like you’re at an outdoor coffee shop in a gentrified neighborhood of your nearest major city. You know it as Library Lawn! One day it wasn’t there, and the next day you couldn’t get a seat. But how did campus’s favorite attraction come to be?…
In a leaked report from the office of Father JayJay I. Jaykins, C.S.C. a surprising clause appeared at the bottom of the page: students are banned from having friends on campus!
Faced with the possibility of another online semester, an unbelievably tense national political climate and a crushing sense of uncertainty surrounding everything she cares about, Notre Dame sophomore Katherine Davis has come to the somber realization that the results of her recent COVID-19 test constitute the only shred of positivity in her life right now.
Who says that COVID means we can no longer date? It’s my honor to introduce you to (drum roll please) — Notre Dame Quarantine Dating. Here is a survival guide for you to make your date count:
Upon hearing the announcement that Notre Dame would be joining the Atlantic Coast Conference for the 2020 football season, Scholastic reached out to students from several ACC institutions to get their take. Boston College fans were particularly angered by the news, as most of them remained secretly embittered by being denied admission to Notre Dame as high school seniors.
Prasco answers the question on everyone's mind.
While the most-cited advice in a recent survey of Notre Dame students suggests the best way to interact with them is “don’t,” here is a list of actions in case this interaction is unavoidable.
In a statement made earlier today, the University of Notre Dame announced plans for a sweeping set of rule changes slated to take effect beginning in the 2020-2021 school year. The new rules, many of which are likely to receive significant opposition from students, focus primarily on student life and housing. University officials felt that the global pandemic, while an unfortunate disruption to campus life, provided them with a unique opportunity to make these controversial yet necessary changes.…
As the official hype man for the local bar, Fruit and Vegetable Buddies, Nintendo has organized a mass Zoom party that will recreate the magic of a Thursday night in South Bend.
Emma Ferdinandi brings us this month's BTN from self-quarentine.
You, dear reader, have encountered an Arts and Letters major in his natural habitat. Gentle, sensitive creatures, Arts and Letters majors can disorient the unsuspecting passerby with their strong, yet perplexing, opinions. Proceed with caution.
I bring great news: by executive order of our university president, JayJay Jaykins, electric scooters have been forever banned from the campus of this great university.
After a long-running investigation, university officials have ruled that Johnson Family Hall, the new Notre Dame women’s residence set to welcome 225 undergraduates next fall, fails to meet the specifications necessary to be considered an official on-campus residence.
Yesterday, freshmen Mick Bayes and Yawny O’Fawner of Zahm House made waves when they announced that they would enter the 2020 general presidential election. Sources tell Scholastic that Bayes and O’Fawner were able to exploit a little-known bureaucratic loophole to successfully launch their campaign for president and vice president of the United States, despite not participating in any primaries and being aged 19 and 18, respectively.…
I’m sure you’re well aware at this point that Rev. JayJay Jaykins, C.S.C. has been elected to his fourth term as university president. It was a unanimous decision by the Board of Trustees. You may be asking,
‘Why was he running unopposed?’ That’s the wrong question. What you should be asking is, “Who is this Board of Trustees?” And that, my friends, is what I shall explain.…
Picture a wholesome social gathering in a dorm room on a Friday night.
In October, Notre Dame made headlines by announcing that it would host the first U.S. presidential debate in the 2020 election series.