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It seems that a deep, campus-wide hatred of Zoom is not the only consequence of last year’s hybrid learning experience. A freshman calculus student recently tipped off the investigative journalism department here at Scholastic to a sophomore tutor in the LRC who has absolutely no idea what he’s teaching. I used my press credentials to secure a spot in his tutoring session and get the scoop for you, the almighty reader. 

“He is seriously clueless. When I asked him for help with algebra, he basically told me to cheat and use an online calculator,” said Bradley, a freshman in the session. “How am I supposed to learn math when my tutor can’t do high school algebra?” 

The tutor did, indeed, struggle to answer the freshmen’s questions. In fact, not a single problem was solved without first consulting an online source. 

“It’s literally against the rules of our class to use any kind of calculator,” said Jane, another freshman student. “This tutor is blatantly abusing his power and shattering the rules. Who does this guy think he is? 

When confronted about the legality of his calculator use, the tutor didn’t even try to defend himself. 

“Well yeah, everyone used a calculator last year. I figured the professors kind of understood. Like a don’t ask, don’t tell type of policy,” said the tutor, who will remain nameless.

Upon revelation that this was an interview for Scholastic, the tutor expressed worries about being, in his words, “fired,” and “receiving an Honor Code citation.” 

“Look, I didn’t have to do any math on my own last year. It was all online! And now that I’m back in a legitimate instructional environment, my math is a little rusty! So what? Who cares?” proclaimed the tutor. The freshmen students, who seemed to be actually decent humans, indicated that they all cared and that their GPAs were at stake. I took the side of the freshmen here. 

At this point, the tutor abandoned all hope of fulfilling his role as an educator. 

“Why are you guys being so serious? Let’s talk about something cool and fun, like, uh, football! You guys like football, right? Go Irish!” the tutor flailed, desperate for positive feedback. Jane walked out of the room upon hearing this. 

All in all, the rumors were true. Online school destroyed the math capabilities of many students, this tutor being no exception. We can only hope that calculus students will persevere through the unprecedented challenge of a normal school year.