Our Lady of Perpetual Networking
To: William Patterson, ND ’87 | Managing Director, Goldman Sachs
Subject: Great Meeting You at...
[Blank] or It Didn't Happen
BeReal? Please BeHonest…
Humor
![[Blank] or It Didn't Happen](/assets/493519/400x300/dole777_eqspi11rf68_unsplash.jpg "[Blank] or It Didn't Happen")
Flip Flopping into Fall
Get that thong out from between your toes. The time has passed. The sun has set on summer. So why are you still wearing flip flops?
I Want to Be President
Scholastic offers you an accurate portrayal of what happens when you have a conversation with a political science major.
Student Literally Fakes It 'till He Makes It
A little-known name up to this point, Herman Bertier ‘94 is poised to become the next big success story of the University of Notre Dame. With a ritzy penthouse in New York, a flashy senior-level position in the world’s largest consulting firm and a penchant for throwing glamorous parties in his Hamptons country home, Mr. Bertier seems to have attained the Gatsby dream. But what is the story behind the man?
An Ode to Red Solo Cup Boy
It was a crisp January morning. Winter break had just ended. South Bend was at its worst, and I, like the 10,000 other students on this campus, decided to hit the gym because while Santa worked hard over break, my grandma with a serious knack for cookie-making worked harder. I spent my entire break averaging about eight cookies eaten a day. Don’t do the math.
Dating at Notre Dame
A recent campus poll indicated that when students were asked to describe their dating lives in three words, the most popular were “non-existent,” “Catholic” and “you-sound-like-my-mother.”
My Epic Spring Break
What’s up, partygoers (and losers)!? If you’re anything like me, spring break is all about three things: gettin’ schwifty, makin’ memories and a third thing!
CCD Unveils New Off-Campus Program in Fort Lauderdale
In a recent press release, the Center for Career Development announced the commencement of a novel week-long experience for students interested in expanding their intellectual, social, professional and spiritual horizons in sunny Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
Understanding the Chik-Fil-A Craze
The opening of Chick-Fil-A has sent shockwaves through the Duncan Student Center economy.
Home for the Holidays
Pretty soon, you’ll find yourself in the basement of someone’s parents’ house out in the suburbs, making awkward small talk with people you haven’t seen since graduation. Here are some people you’re guaranteed to see there:
Touchdown Jesus Keeps Winking at Me
Ever since the start of this year, Touchdown Jesus has been winking at me whenever I’m on library quad.
Employee of the Month
I am the 38-time reigning Employee of the Month at The Huddle Mart in LaFortune Student Center, also known as LaFun to all you commoners.
Off-Campus Seniors Attempt to Throw Huge Party, End Up Committing to Priesthood before Party even Happens
A group of four seniors announced last month that they were going to throw the Kickoff Darty of the Century at their off-campus house on Cedar Street to welcome the new year.
Freshman Performs “Candle in the Wind,” Ruins Karaoke Night
This past Wednesday, students gathered in hordes at Guacamole’s Mexican Grill in Mishawaka, as they do nearly every Wednesday night. Per usual, the night was filled with “IDs” and limitless cheap margaritas.
A Profile and Warning Against Those Who Hog the Laundry Machines
I was alone in my room after dark, reverently sacrificing mushy dining hall bananas to the HERE™ spirits that lurk among my menagerie of green and white icons, when the spirits spoke to me: “Inform your fellow students that following laundry room etiquette helps to ensure public health and safety.”
My Strange Addiction – Blowing Out Grotto Candles
Let me just say that I am not a bad guy; in fact, I would consider myself to be a pretty good guy. I think about volunteering sometimes, I eat my vegetables and I regularly follow nine of the ten commandments (I occasionally covet my neighbor’s house). However, I do seem to have one fatal flaw that some may consider to be “irredeemable”: I need to blow out every single candle in the Grotto.
Investment Banker Networking Email Spoof
Dear Mr. Bank of America,
My name is Preston McNickels, and I am a Notre Dame sophomore interested in breaking into the world of investment banking. I am certain that you must be extremely busy, so I am going to start off by apologizing profusely for taking up more than a second of your valuable time. I wanted to reach out to potentially set up a brief call to discuss your experience in the field.
HERE, There, But Not The Dining Hall
Restrictions on student life from the top brass at Notre Dame rubbed a lot of people the wrong way.
Tips For Walking Alone
Scholars worked tirelessly over the summer, concocting the following list to give you a few options for when you’re walking to class alone and trying to look ‘cool’ while doing so.
Sophomore Tutor Utterly Unprepared After Year of Online School
It seems that a deep, campus-wide hatred of Zoom is not the only consequence of last year’s hybrid learning experience.
Who is the Notre Dame Student Without a St. Patrick's Day Celebration?
Despair hung heavily in the eyes of those once bright, young people. It was supposed to be a special day – a spectacular day – made just for us, the students of Notre Dame.
Duncan Student Center Playlist Finally Explained
When the Duncan family donated millions of dollars to build their student center, I doubt they imagined that the building’s vibe would be solely determined by a student employee with a deep nostalgia for 2000s pop music.
Dr. Fowchie Announces COVID-21 Pandemic: ‘Summer-itis’
There is a lethargy haunting the quiet quadrangles of our quaint university.
Our Valiant Vaccinators: A Profile
What compels a person to give up so much of their time for the cause? A sense of duty? A love of poking things? A heart of gold?
“The Irish Bachelorette” Reboot
With current regulations loosening, NDTV has decided to resurrect this show with a fresh cast of characters and a new romantic star.
COVID Underground Gambling Ring Exposed
Groundbreaking information has recently been brought to light surrounding the underground gambling ring that exists under Notre Dame Stadium.
What Your Drink(ing Cup) Says About You
You have a planner. You actually use it. It’s color-coded.
Rev. JayJay Jaykins Declares State of Emergency — “the Hardest Choices Require the Strongest Wills”
Rev. JayJay Jaykins has assumed emergency authority, consolidating all university power beneath his office.
32 Dorms. 12 Unprecedented months. 1 Survivor.
A new banner replaces the HERE sign hanging down the front of the main building: “Survivor’s” iconic oval logo stamped with “outwit, outplay, outlast.”
Undercover at the Squash Club
One student, who I’ll call Jack, opened my eyes to an underground squash ring that flew in the face of university pandemic policies. He also consented to me using his quotes in this article under the condition of anonymity.