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Sarcastic: Jaykins Introduces New Football Weekend Policy

Published: April 2019

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

Jaykins is attempting to implement yet another lucrative policy unrelated to improving student well-being.

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Posted In: Humor

Sarcastic: Selective Amnesia Wipes Loss from Collective Memory Alabama 42, Notre Dame 14.

Published: April 2019

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

Ask any Notre Dame fans who attended the 2013 BCS NationalChampionship Game in Miami Gardens — hoping to witness the Irish’s first national title in a quarter-century — about that score and watch them self-destruct right before your very eyes.

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Posted In: Humor

Sarcastic: @FatherSorin Takes over Twitter

Published: April 2019

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

“Though I haven’t any idea how the magic box [email] works, or how the Twitter device reaches so many people, I thoroughly enjoy being in the thick of things,” @FatherSorin said.

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Posted In: Humor

Sarcastic: Grab’n Go Introduces Exciting New Feature

Published: April 2019

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

After the smashing success of RX Bars,introduced earlier this year, South Dining Hall is rolling out their newest addition to Grab’n Go: The RX Bar Bar.

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Posted In: Humor

Run-Off Election Ends After Judicial Council Reduces Votes by 100%

Published: April 2018

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

The latest development in this year’s student government elections came early Tuesday morning, when campus media outlets received a press release by the Judicial Council announcing another round of sanctions.

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Posted In: Humor

Jaykins Changes Contraceptives Policy...Again

Published: April 2018

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Fr. Jaykins says. “If we keep changing our position, everyone will be happy at some point, right?” 

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Posted In: Humor

Notre Dame senior enlightens classmates on what “real world” is really like

Published: April 2017

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

While appearing via satellite on the Fox News show Hannipy, Notre Dame senior James McGarrity explained that “the real world is going to be a pretty big wake up call.”

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Posted In: Humor

Students flock to quad on first warm day of spring, show how many balls they can throw

Published: April 2017

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

On a rare, sunny, 70-degree April day, students filled the quads to enjoy the weather and to demonstrate to one another how many sport balls they could throw.

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Posted In: Humor

‘JESUS H. CHRIST’ Signature Appears on Disinvite Vice President Pencil Petition

Published: April 2017

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

“There it was — JESUS H. CHRIST — in some crazy gold cursive script."

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Posted In: Humor

Jaykins: I invited Pencil. Are you HAPPY NOW?

Published: April 2017

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

For a million years we’ve invited the President of the United States to come speak at your graduation (YOU’RE WELCOME), and you made me break that tradition.

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Posted In: Humor

Dunne freshman learns he has high cholesterol after Keenan Revue encourages him to get checked

Published: April 2017

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

The 2017 Keenan revue was another successful show full of witty jokes, biting satire and half-naked men.

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Posted In: Humor

VIEWPOINT: Homeless people make me sad! :(

Published: April 2017

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

The day was magnificent, and nothing could bring us down. Until we saw the homeless man.

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Posted In: Humor

Pete Bootijudge concerned Notre Dame students a little too obsessed with him

Published: April 2017

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

South Bend Mayor Pete Bootijudge quietly asked Thursday whether anyone else had noticed that Notre Dame students had been talking about him kind of a lot lately.

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Posted In: Humor

Three people who would win Notre Dame Hunger Games

Published: April 2017

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

Remember Sia dude?

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Posted In: Humor

'Jesus H. Christ' signature appears in uninvite Vice President Pencil petition

Published: April 2017

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

Shortly after Rev. JayJay I. Jaykins, C.S.C.’s announcement that Vice President Mark Pencil would be speaking at the class of 2017’s commencement, an online petition began circulating to reverse the decision and rescind Pencil’s invitation.

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Posted In: Humor

Obscurer Staff Eagerly Awaits Death of Viewpoint Author’s Social Life

Published: April 2017

Author: Senior Scholastic Staff

BASEMENT, SOUTH DINING HALL — In the early hours of Sunday morning, the Obscurer staff huddled around their computers, making last minute tweaks before submitting their latest issue in its final form.

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Posted In: Humor

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