Humor

The Menace of Electric Scooters
How to Talk to an Arts and Letters Major

How to Talk to an Arts and Letters Major

Author: Genevieve Redsten

You, dear reader, have encountered an Arts and Letters major in his natural habitat. Gentle, sensitive creatures, Arts and Letters majors can disorient the unsuspecting passerby with their strong, yet perplexing, opinions. Proceed with caution.

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Zahm Freshmen Enter 2020 Presidential Race

Zahm Freshmen Enter 2020 Presidential Race

Author: Mitchell Johnson

Yesterday, freshmen Mick Bayes and Yawny O’Fawner of Zahm House made waves when they announced that they would enter the 2020 general presidential election. Sources tell Scholastic that Bayes and O’Fawner were able to exploit a little-known bureaucratic loophole to successfully launch their campaign for president and vice president of the United States, despite not participating in any primaries and being aged 19 and 18, respectively.…

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Notre Dame to Introduce WWE-Style Presidential Debate
Mo Bamba versus Mr. Brightside: Notre Dame's Anthem
JayJay Jaykins' Election Rigged by Mafia Members

JayJay Jaykins' Election Rigged by Mafia Members

Author: Prasco, Joseph

I’m sure you’re well aware at this point that Rev. JayJay Jaykins, C.S.C. has been elected to his fourth term as university president. It was a unanimous decision by the Board of Trustees. You may be asking,

‘Why was he running unopposed?’ That’s the wrong question. What you should be asking is, “Who is this Board of Trustees?” And that, my friends, is what I shall explain.…

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Pole Ryeann Disregards Curriculum, Defends Resignation Instead
10 Ways to Amp Up Your Freshman Dorm Party

10 Ways to Amp Up Your Freshman Dorm Party

Author: Krienke, Kimani

10. WALL DECORATIONS: These range from cardboard cutouts of your beverage of choice to flags that let it be known to everyone who enters the room that you’re from Boston and proud of it.

9. CHRISTMAS LIGHTS: An easy decoration you can leave up all year long without having to worry about taking it down when your parents or grandparents come to visit you. On nonparty days, they can also double as your main source of light because, let’s be honest, the main lights in the dorm room are terrible.…

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Notre Dame Students Say Study Abroad Did Not Change Their Lives
Swarovski Sparkles: The Case for Buying a Crystal Helmet
Welcome to Notre Dame: A Summer Camp Surprise
Notre Dame Bans Students From All Dorms
Sarcastic: Selective Amnesia Wipes Loss from Collective Memory Alabama 42, Notre Dame 14.
Sarcastic: Grab’n Go Introduces Exciting New Feature
Sarcastic: @FatherSorin Takes over Twitter
Sarcastic: Jaykins Introduces New Football Weekend Policy
Saint Mary’s College cuts ties with Notre Dame and immediately becomes the superior academic institution
The Rigors of an Arts & Crafts Education
Dining Halls Start Serving AVOCADOS, Saving Students from Guac-Bottom Pits of Despair
10 Hot Tips to Spice Up YOUR Dining Hall Date
Father Pat McCormack Personally Funding Vine II: The Resurrection
How Can He Keep From Singing? Father Jaykins Steals the Show at Garth Brooks Concert
All’s Not Rite at the Snite
Students Discover Garth Brooks
Tips and Tricks to Beat the Weather
No Sightings in Over a Fortnite

No Sightings in Over a Fortnite

Author: Jarissa Sabal

Following the recent football games, we thought we’d finally see at least a couple of them but it seems their disappearance is permanent. As we walk freely around campus, we women wonder: Is this St. Mary’s?

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Jaykins Changes Contraceptives Policy...Again
Run-Off Election Ends After Judicial Council Reduces Votes by 100%
North Dining Hall Bans Eggs

North Dining Hall Bans Eggs

Author: Maddie Loftin

In order to restore balance to the universe following the reinstatement of Grab and Go, North Dining Hall has announced that they will no longer tolerate any eggs on their premises.

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