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Maybe it’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Maybe it’s that existential-crisis-inducing week between Christmas and New Years. There comes a time in every trip home for the holidays when you cave and think to yourself, “Alright. I guess I’ll meet up with the kids from high school.”

 

Pretty soon, you’ll find yourself in the basement of someone’s parents’ house out in the suburbs, making awkward small talk with people you haven’t seen since graduation. Here are some people you’re guaranteed to see there:

 

1. The DJ. You’ve been talking to him for 30 seconds and he’s already pulled up his SoundCloud. “Nice,” you say as he tells you about the beats he’s been making in the studio. “No,” you tell him when he asks if you’ve ever been to a rave. 
2. The girl in a pyramid scheme. “Hey girlie!” She shouts at you from across the room. She used to bully you in 9th grade. Now she’s trying to convince you to sell overpriced shampoo to your friends and family. 
3. The kid who never closed the yearbook. He definitely used to be cuter in high school, right? Speaking of high school, he wants to talk about it. That party he threw junior year? “So rowdy.” That time the hockey team placed third at state? “Soooo sick.” Just smile and nod. This is his moment.
4. Your ex. That time you stalked him on Instagram and liked his post from 57 weeks ago? There’s no way he remembers. You guys are totally chill now, and that’s awesome — completely platonic, no hard feelings. Maybe you should meet up for drinks later and talk about the past. Yeah, that will definitely end well.

 

But don’t worry, you won’t be there long. Before you know it, you’ll get a text from your mom letting you know she wants you home by midnight — just like old times. 

 

There’s no place like home for the holidays.