CCD Unveils New Off-Campus Program in Fort Lauderdale
Timmy Sullivan
In a recent press release, the Center for Career Development announced the commencement of a novel week-long experience for students interested in expanding their intellectual, social, professional and spiritual horizons in sunny Fort Lauderdale, Florida.
“In between bouts of endless Uber cancellations while waiting outside of the nightclub you got kicked out of, examining strange stains on the carpet of your so-cheap-its-barely-legal vacation rental and wincing as the scalding grains of sand scratch your severely sunburned back, Spring Break experiences like Fort Lauderdale present the perfect opportunity to further the development of your heart and mind while greatly diminishing the funds in your bank account,” the statement reads.
Speaking on behalf of the Center for Career Development, Father Jay Jaykins articulated the incredible opportunity afforded to students with this new program.
“Whether it's getting a bit of networking in while watching the boys run some Oklahoma Drill on the pristine beaches of the south Atlantic or uncovering the Divine Truth while waiting hours in a line only to spend $80 on five drinks, such experiences are some of the rites of passage that many a young scholar longs to witness.”
To ensure all students at Notre Dame have access to this formative experience, Father Jaykins went on to outline the University’s comprehensive strategy, including a timeshare available for students at above-market rates — complete with complimentary ND-Guest Wi-Fi, a $10 meal stipend in total and parietals. “Du Lac,” adds a satisfied Father Jaykins, “takes no Breaks.”
Moreover, Scholastic can now report that the Mendoza College of Business has emphatically endorsed the program, phasing in new requirements for students that will mandate participation in order to graduate. In the words of Dean Martin Creamer, “How can we claim to ‘Grow the Good in Business’ if we fail to work in partnership with all of the nation, not just your local Wall Street investment bank or main street Deloitte branch, but also the equally important yet exotic nightclubs, watering holes and Publixes of Broward County?”
In summation, Father Jaykins asks, “Why wait to get busted in some dingy Stanford dorm room when for the low price of room, board and airline fees you can get excised for those suspiciously smelling Gatorade bottles in front of a gorgeous ocean vista?” Like the noble geese who call our campus a seasonal home, students eager to escape the Arctic conditions of the South Bend winter now possess a migratory route south; the Notre Dame family truly knows no limits.