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Get that thong out from between your toes. The time has passed. The sun has set on summer. So why are you still wearing flip flops? 

There are seasons for particular footwear. Snow boots in winter. Clogs in the spring. Sure, flip flops in the summer. 

When it comes to fall — autumn, as preferred by some — open-toe shoes should be closed for business. Perhaps try some fresh New Balances or casual Stan Smiths. 

You wouldn’t wear flip flops to a tailgate, so they shouldn’t be worn strutting across South Quad on your way to gen chem. 

What is it about wearing flip flops when it’s 55 degrees outside? 

Do you like the thrill of risking frostbite? Or is it that the cool breeze ruffles up the leaves and tickles your toes? 

Flip flops in the fall affect far more than just the wearers. There is an adverse secondhand smoke-like effect by the sight of open-toe shoes in the off-season. Maybe you’re a sadist, and you love torturing unwanting bystanders who catch a glimpse of your pale feet. The older the wearer, the more dangerous the sight. As a man ages, he can’t help but allow his toenails to become unkempt — corn chip-like, a Frito. Let’s get our act together now. When the leaves are no longer green, you should be lacing up or strapping on some sort of shoe other than a flip flop. 

Then, where are flip flops permissible? 

Try them as shower shoes. You know, the cheap ones they sell in buckets at Old Navy? Depending on your geographic location, you can get away with Birkenstocks and a pair of mid calf socks. I’ll allow it. A quick fast food run late at night? Fine, throw on a pair of flops. But where your flip flops truly belong from October to April is at the bottom of the mound of shoes piling up just inside your door