Bernie Sanders Praises South Dining Hall “Tray Inconvenience”

Author: Liz Hynes

With “nothing better to do” now that his campaign has officially ceased, former Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders visited Notre Dame to explore the university’s groundbreaking new sustainability initiative: “Inconvenient Trays.”

“See, the trays used to be over here,” University President Rev. John I. Jenkins said as he excitedly led the senator through South Dining Hall. “But now they’re all the way over here!” 

“Doesn’t every student still have to pass the trays to enter the dining hall anyway?” asked Sanders gruffly. 

“Well — yes,” stammered Jenkins, a red flush creeping up his collared neck. “But sometimes this side is closed, and we open the other side, making this location even more inconvenient!” 

After a stony silence, Sanders nodded. “Great. Stellar stuff you guys are doing here. Combined with your sustainably produced foods — how many does your website list? Six?” 

Jenkins nodded. “That’s correct.” 

“Six foods out of hundreds are sustainable. That’s great, Johnny. Really proud of what you guys are doing here. Excellent,” grumbled Sanders as he exited the campus on foot, determined to decrease carbon emissions by “walking it off” 860.7 miles back to Vermont.