Student Exhibits Appropriate Emotional Response Following Football Loss

Author: Julia Oksasoglu


After a grueling 34-31 loss to Virginia Tech, senior Trevor Green returned to his dorm and simply “got on with his day,” sources close to Green report.

“Well, it would have been nice to win, but you win some, you lose some, right?” says Green, an electrical engineering major and bastion of level-headedness from Syracuse, New York.

According to Green’s roommate, Green only emitted one swear word upon leaving Notre Dame Stadium, after seeing the length of the line extending from the women’s restroom. “Why don’t people just make women’s bathrooms bigger?” asked a momentarily disgruntled Green.

“I’m sure everyone did their best, and I even got to take a picture on the field after the game,” says the Keenan resident who at this time has no plans to order a passive-aggressive t-shirt expressing discontent with the results of the football season.

The aforementioned picture features Green smiling and giving a thumbs-up while his peers, bearing a close resemblance to an uncontrollable angry mob, chant “Fire Brian Kelly!” from a few feet away.

When asked about his reaction to Notre Dame not making it to any bowl games, Green stated that he hopes the football players will enjoy the extra time at home with their families for the holidays, quickly changing the subject to add that he hopes North has pierogi tonight.