What ChatGPT Can and Can't Handle // Issues // Scholastic // University of Notre Dame

Yeah, This Is Going to Chat:

1. Petition to bring back Taco Bell

I plan to unleash a small army of my AI bots onto the emails of StuGov, SUB, the LaFun Building Manager and Father Bob. My bots will petition these higher powers for a gift to the student population: the return of Taco Bell to the underbelly of LaFun. With success, I will welcome back the prodigal son and enjoy a Crunchwrap Supreme and some cinnabuns. With failure, it may be time to test out the pizza machine in the lobby of NDH.

2. Marriage Pact Questionnaire

Marriage Pact season is almost upon us. I have no problem handing over some personal data to Gemini to craft up the best combination of responses to the Marriage Pact questionnaire to make sure that I get matched with my campus crush.

3. Foot Traffic and LaFun barbershop

Claude Pro Max20 will pay for itself once I optimize my LaFun Barbershop x Minimal Foot Traffic algorithm. I really need to get my hair cut, but there is some sort of stigma against female students going to the LaFun barbershop. The establishment is actually officially named University Hair Stylists, which I find to be quite gender neutral, and I’m sorry, but it would just be so convenient.

What Chat Can't Handle:

1. Moreau Reflections

Chat doesn’t know what it’s like to have the last registration time as a first year. There is something incredibly bonding about an 8 a.m. Friday morning Moreau that really comes through in a reflection circle, and to Chat responses to “Who are you, really?” would be a true betrayal of peers.

2. My Fizz Account

You’ve heard of “third spaces,” but have you heard of “fourth spaces?” As I climb the ranks of the Fizz leaderboard, I see myself joining a great tradition of comedic scholars at Notre Dame. It’s this kind of fourth space that is really great if you want to let your jokes bomb anonymously. If you want to attach your name in print, though, you can always write for the Scholastic humor section.

3. Ranking All 25 Murphy’s Ice Cream Flavors

There are some instances where you can only trust yourself.