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Just before curtains are drawn on our time here at Notre Dame, one final week awaits the senior class: senior week. One shot, one opportunity, to ruin everything you’ve built here in one moment. Will you capture it, or just let it slip? Senior week will see many olive branches extended between old friends, but far more complete friend group implosions. It’s a real roll of the dice. But fun events await in the Windy City, and I’m here to guide you through them.

Chicago Bar Crawl

Do you like lines? If so, there’s a real treat in store for you. One might think that a crawl with five enormous bars could comfortably house the class, but they’d be forgetting the most important thing about Domers: they move as a herd. The senior class will ooze from one bar to the next as one, shepherded by some whispered rumor, “Cantina next, we got to go to Cantina.” The mystical drink deal that has been advertised is a six-dollar Bud Light bottle. Sounds great, but each bar only has 25 in stock, and you must answer a riddle to get it.

Chicago Boat Dance

After months of maneuvering your group of friends onto the same boat, it’s time to see if your gamble pays off. Will Boat 2 be the magical yacht of your dreams? Is Boat 1 really cursed to slip beneath the waves? As you arrive at the dock, your fears subside when you see three nearly identical boats waiting for you. But then you remember, “Wasn’t there a Boat 4?” Indeed, there was a Boat 4. See the small fishing vessel to your right? And that wind seems to be whipping up too…

Chicago Afters

Hopefully you’ve tallied it all up this weekend. Every crime that friend has so consciously perpetrated against you. Leaving you with the hotel futon. That look she gave your crush at the bar crawl. Hogging the bathroom while you tried to get ready for the dance. Now, it’s time to corner her and let her know about it. The key to remember here is that you’ve actually known this for years. She’s always been selfish, and you’re just finally putting the pieces together. And you know what, maybe you two shouldn’t travel Europe together after graduation. Maybe you don’t want to come to her sister’s wedding this fall. Really burn that bridge. If you mean it now, after two days of drinking, it must be how you really feel. And screaming it over blaring Kesha in front of the entire grade is absolutely how you should deliver the message.

The Morning After

45 unread messages. 7 missed calls. “Hmmm. Probably not anything I did.” Up and at ‘em, it’s time to leave this city behind. Take the toll road this morning, it’s worth it to be out of here. South Bend sits at the end of this road like the Emerald City, where Pedialytes grow on the trees. Hopefully what happened in Chicago, stays in Chicago.