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Hey! Have you ever wanted to join a new student club at Notre Dame? ME TOO! I’ve put together some completely accurate and factually correct information about a few of the clubs that I’ve tried to join across campus. Take a look!

POLISH CLUB

If you’ve ever wanted to learn how to polish stuff, this seems like the club for you. I bet they could teach you all about different kinds of polish. Nail polish, shoe polish, furniture polish, wood polish … who would’ve guessed that there was an entire club on campus dedicated to polishing stuff? I was certainly excited to see what I could learn from these fine folks. For some reason, though, when I went to one of their meetings, they made these REALLY delicious meat dumplings. Nobody said a word about polish of any kind, but everyone certainly polished off their plates, so I guess that counts.

NOTRE DAME SWIM CLUB

Did you know that Notre Dame has a club swim team? It’s true! Everyone on the team is really nice, and their practices are really well-written. I went to one of their practices, and it felt really great, but when I woke up the next day, my shoulders and legs felt like someone had been beating them with blunt hammers all night, and I couldn’t walk properly for three days. They should rename themselves to the Club of Absolute Aquatic Pain and Suffering. Also, do NOT try to drink the pool water. I got yelled at, and it tasted terrible.

TEA@ND

Based on the name of this club, I can only imagine that they must be obsessed with tea. Do they drink it? Study it? Grow it? How many different kinds of tea are there? I bet you’d be able to figure it out if you asked a member of this club. I had a sore throat one time, and I thought to myself, “Boy, I could really use some tea right now.” Good thing I was able to find this club! When I attended one of their meetings, though, there wasn’t a single cup — nay, a single DROP — of tea to be found! I was disheartened, but then we ended up playing a fun trivia game about theme park rides. What did it have to do with tea? I have no idea, but I got a kick out of it.