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Church Bells from the Outside

The sacred music department is fuming after a sophomore snuck into the Basilica bell tower and played Adele’s “Hello.” Father Rocca was down with it, tears streaming down his face.

Overexposed

Concession stand workers wearing only ND speedos were mired in controversy after it was revealed that they were not members of the water polo team. They declined to comment.

Not Chill Bruh

A local douchebag insists he wasn’t wearing a Halloween costume at that party and those chinos with pumpkins all over them cost more than your car.

#MerryChristmasCecil

Area Twitter users are upset that the Starbucks holiday cups have no mention of Christmas, and suddenly getting upset about lions doesn’t seem that crazy anymore.

Piece of Cake

Sophomore chemistry major claims he “barely even studied for that test” after sleeping in the library for a week. Everyone believed him immediately.