"

Dear those with a “platonic” friend,

This week, my roommates made their suspicions clear that my boy best friend may have feelings for me. Since then, this input has corrupted my mind every time the two of us are together. My inner dialogue relentlessly asks, “Do I like him?” and “Would he even want to be with me?" I wonder if the dining hall ‘catch-up’ dinners mean more to him, if the study dates are more like actual dates, or, conversely, if it’s just how these situations appear to my friends. I can’t help but wonder, can a friendship between men and women ever be platonic?

To investigate my question, I turn to the quintessential piece exploring this matter: “When Harry Met Sally.” Harry famously says, “No man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive.” He later amends this by saying that men and women can be friends if “both of them are involved with other people,” because “the pressure of possible involvement is lifted.” However, he concedes that the partners may have a problem with this friendship, thinking the two friends are secretly attracted to each other. He concludes, “Let's face it. ... men and women can’t be friends.”

I find an interesting piece of Harry’s argument to be the final section: How the partner views the friendship. Like with my roommates, it is the optics of our weekly dinners, study sessions and text messages that make them believe there are deeper feelings than friendship. For me, I find my friendship with this guy to be most comfortable when we are talking about our outside romantic involvements. As Harry said, it eases the pressure of, at least immediate, “possible involvement.”

For another perspective, I asked some other guy friends if they think this sort of platonic relationship is possible. One specified that it's easier to be friends with women if there's a group. For instance, his friend group is half girls, half boys. When I asked him if he would ever spend time with one of the girls alone, he said, “No.” Another guy friend mentioned that it takes a certain level of maturity to hold a male-female relationship if both parties have the possibility of being attracted to each other. We agreed it's a more modern social development — late 20th century onward — to have this type of friendship.

Furthermore, this platonic friendship inquiry isn't limited to heterosexual people. I asked my best friend from home, who happens to be gay, if he would ever be platonic friends with another gay man. He answered, “Yes, it’s possible, and more possible than a straight man and woman being friends. They are more of the stereotypical friend ‘couple,’ that everyone suspects is into each other.”

Though Harry and Sally did end as friends-turned-lovers, life isn’t as simple as a movie. There aren’t two protagonists who the plot conveniently connects. Rather, there are so many people out there who could be the one for you. Maybe it’s your friend, but maybe they’re just a friend for a reason. Ultimately, if someone can’t accept the wonderful gift of your platonic friendship, then maybe they don’t deserve a place in your life at all.

Xoxo heartbreakers,

The Irish Cupid