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Dear all fellow rejectees,

As an extremely forward person, I’ve had a fair amount of experience with rejection. What’s puzzling, yet exciting, to me is that each rejector is different. Take, for example, this most recent time. A boy I wasn’t at first interested in (he’s a little too close to my eye level) gave me hot and cold vibes all semester long. Before I knew it, I had developed feelings for him. So at the end of the semester, I made my move. I asked him to work on a class project and then go for a sweet treat after — casual, right? From my point of view, his multiple excuses of prior commitments, including a MUST to play Fortnite, seemed like a polite decline. As much as I tried to shake this, I couldn’t help but want him more. Hope persevered until one of my closest confidants spotted him that night, leaving his “prior commitment” with a short, blonde girl.

I like to think of situations like these as operating through the five stages of grief, with one stage dominating over the others. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. This rejection particularly struck me because I felt more anger than I have with previous ones. Anger towards him: I was upset that he gave me all of these mixed signals, and then once I returned his interest, he put up a wall. Anger with myself: Why was I even interested in him in the first place? Anger towards the whole situation that caused me to put my heart on the line.

Yet every time I saw him after, the anger melted away, and the nerves and enchantment came rushing back. I guess my main takeaway is that feelings don’t immediately exit with rejection. Taking time to let them return and eventually fade is a part of the human experience. Every person I’ve liked has been for a reason. It wasn’t nearly the hot-and-cold that drew me in, but his intelligence, confidence, and lethal face card.

After a rejection, the best thing to do is pause. Wait. Maybe the situation will change. Maybe he was in a talking stage with that other girl. Or maybe nothing will change. Allowing yourself to grieve the possibility and accept that there may be someone else to give you their extraordinary last name is part of living, trying, and learning.

Embracing the pain,

The Irish Cupid