So I did it. God posed me a challenge, and just like the time with the yogurt, I rose to meet it. I’d like to see a stupid bead of light best me. Ha! It didn’t. And when the time came and all those birds flew in front of the sun, I lifted my naked eyes and beheld it.
It was pretty cool, I guess. The birds flew away and it was over. Or so I thought.
When my eyes had their fill, I lowered them once more, and lo! A message from God, notorious split personality patient and eclipse conspirator. It was written on Heaven PaperTM, which is how I knew it was really from Him.
“You have challenged me too many times,” it read. “I mean, that time with the yogurt was really enough, but you had to do it again? Whatevs, bro. Anyways, I have to dish out Divine Justice and all, so I thought of a fitting punishment. The study abroad blogs. Read them. All of them. Or you’ll, I don’t know, go blind or go to hell or something. Lolz idk. Love, God.”
So I’m doing it. I’m reading all of them, from Instagrams to email chains. If you’re blogging, I’m reading. Most days I consider letting God blind me; I feel as though I am in Hell already. But I cannot give up. I must continue to slog through the pictures of the Colosseum, the hashtags and the cutesy titles, the multitudes of paragraphs explaining how travel is good for the soul.
Don’t make the same mistake I did, children. Never look at an eclipse with a naked eye.