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The first-year residential life process is a bit like going to a restaurant. The Notre Dame Division of Student Affairs has carefully curated a menu of random roommates. Unfortunately, you don’t get to order for yourself. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t peruse the options!

The Ghost

You will meet this roommate on move-in day, and likely even spend the beginning of Welcome Weekend together. However, by the time Domerfest rolls around, you will see less and less of them. One day, they simply won’t come home for the night — or a week. You may wonder: “Where did they go?” Perhaps they are spending time with a romantic interest, perhaps they are sleeping in the stacks of the library. However, just when you begin to wonder if they have transferred out, they will do what ghosts do best: haunt. Everyone knows hauntings happen at night, so don’t be scared when you hear the door unlock at 3 a.m. and see the silhouette of your long-lost roommate lurking in the hallway light.

The Hermit

This roommate for some reason has been prevented from the discovery of non-residential spaces. They are a stranger to the library, and don’t even ask them what LaFun is. To them, heaven is the 12 square feet of your dorm room. In male dorms, this roommate frequently takes the form of a gamer, whose interpersonal socialization is limited to the occasional Beerio Kart tourney enjoyed from the comfort of his greasy futon.

The Athlete

This roommate yields mixed results. Some athletes go full ghost within a week and move in with their fellow sportsmen immediately. Others — forced to share space with us NARPs (Non-Athletic Regular People) — will go full hermit and seldom leave the confines of your room. Early practices mean early bedtimes, so get used to brushing your teeth in the communal bathroom and getting ready in the dark! We hope you enjoy 5 a.m. alarms!

The Extremely Religious One

You came to a Catholic school, so don’t be too surprised when you’re inevitably evangelized by this roommate. If you feel a crinkling under your head as you drift off to sleep, check for any pamphlets about sacraments they may have slipped into your pillowcase. This roommate has been known to sleep on the floor during Lent and forbid the presence of the opposite sex in your room.

The Nocturnal One

Bats, owls, skunks, and … your roommate. What do all these creatures have in common? All of them shun the daylight in favor of burning the midnight oil. This roommate will sleep all day and skip all their classes. Still, as a Notre Dame student, they will not go so far as to get behind on their schoolwork. It just so happens that they do their best work between the hours of 11 p.m. and 4 a.m.! We hope you didn’t plan on sleeping tonight.

The Slob

This roommate, also known as the stinker, does not enjoy showering or cleaning the room. There is nothing wrong with a normal amount of untidiness — an overly clean room can even be unsettling. However, this roommate thrives in an inhumane degree of squalor that you may find hard to tolerate. To combat this, perhaps slip Tide pods into their sock drawer and innocuously drop their sheets into the hamper. If that doesn’t work, try spraying them with dry shampoo while they sleep. You’ll be doing us all a service.

The Chef

This roommate abhors the dining hall and instead prefers to eat every meal every day from the musty comfort of their dorm room. Once they eat their first meal in the room, it’s essentially a lost cause. The lingering smell of food will incite a Pavlovian response wherein they feel compelled to continue eating there. Eventually, your sheets will smell like curry and the air will taste like pizza. We recommend going to the library if you need to get any work done.

The Friend

Don’t stress out too much. Most roommates are awesome, and many people meet their best friends thanks to Residential Life.