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Hydro Flask with stickers: Your speech every day: “Hey, girlie! What’s your VSCO?!?! :) Tell me about the time you went vegetarian!!! No … stop it. Starbucks was OUT of oat milk?!? Why are they even open? Ugh.”

Hydro Flask without stickers: You are bold. Brazen. Unique. You don’t conform to society’s standards. You. Break. Boundaries.  

Yeti: You don’t play games. You are here to hydrate or #diedrate. You feel no need to buy an insanely expensive water bottle, but you do appreciate some nice cold water. Proud of you.

Notre Dame Nalgene/anything ND: You are a classic ND student. You try to drink water everyday, sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s the thought that counts … right?

Dining hall cup: Understandable every once in a while because hey, everyone has tough days. That being said, if you are frequently carrying around a dining hall cup, are you okay? You are really giving mysterious energy. You are also probably disorganized and usually late to classes, but you try your best.

Starbucks:

Hot coffee: You are probably an average college student. You do your homework and go to class regularly.  

Iced coffee: You do not drink anything but iced coffee. Cold brew courses through your veins. You definitely get caffeine withdrawal headaches. I am so sorry for your addiction.

Frappuccino: You’re twelve. Why are you on campus?

Starbucks reusable cup: You have a planner. You actually use it. It’s color-coded. You probably wake up at 6 a.m. to go for a jog or do a yoga class before class because you love feeling energized in the mornings.

ABP cup: You either were 1) in the library all night, kicked out by security and then got there early in the morning in desperate need of a pick-me-up. OR 2) You are so bougie about coffee. Starbucks is overrated, and you enjoy “good coffee.” You talk about coffee’s ~body~ but still order a vanilla latte.

Gatorade water bottle: Alright, big dog. You are probably an athlete. Or want to be. Chances are you wear your mask just under your nose and squirt water into your mouth from at least 8 inches away from your face. I see you in class once every three weeks and your Zoom camera is always off.  

Plastic water bottle: Did you not know that single-use plastic is killing our planet? Go look up Greta Thunberg. She will get you all straightened out.