Sarcastic: Campus Safety to Add OKTA VERIFY to All Campus Buildings

Author: Sophie Dandawa

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courtesy of Google Play

In response to increasing safety concerns, Notre Dame Police Department (NDPD) has announced they are shifting to a new procedure for the 2026-2027 academic school year. All campus buildings will, at all times, require the input of students’ Okta Verify code to grant entry. The proposal initially drew substantial backlash, particularly from Grace Hall alumni, who often gathered in what is now the Human Resources Office to reminisce about their large section parties. Despite its controversial nature, the plan was solidified after unauthorized individuals were caught using the Hesburgh Library.

“I started to get suspicious once people began checking out books,” one flustered librarian stated. “I didn’t even know how to check them out because no student has ever checked out a book before.” The anonymous librarian promptly alerted Campus Safety of her concern.

Going forward, as students approach a building, they will have approximately four seconds to take out their phones and locate their six-digit, one-time Okta code before it locks them out of the building. This model encourages holistic development within students by cultivating both the body and the mind.

That’s right; the new security system is expected to simultaneously promote physical benefits. Students will increase their running speeds in order to catch closing doors. Reaction times are expected to improve as well.

Head coach of the football team, Marcus Freeman, is especially excited about Okta Verify.

“Anyone can run a play,” Freeman said. “But, not everyone can execute in under four seconds.”

While a single score gets you six points in football, students capable of punching in six digits individually will be arguably much more athletic. Coach Freeman believes the change will bring about more walk-on opportunities for students who can access the buildings the fastest. Students interested in being considered should aim to enter their Okta code in under two-and-a-half seconds.

While faculty and administration are seemingly excited about the change, students feel differently. In an initial trial, many struggled to adapt. Attendance plummeted about 40% in most classes except for Moreau First Year Seminar, which had already been recording attendance levels well below that before the trial. One distraught Mendoza student was seen yanking at the doors of Stepan Center in an attempt to get to his exam after mistakenly inputting his dad’s debit card pin on the keypad. Another student was locked out of Nieuwland for a week after continuously attempting to use the first six digits of pi as her code.

But the implementation of Okta Verify is not all bad. In the trial, Campus Ministry reportedly noticed that due to the improved security measures, students were sinning much less due to fear of getting locked out of the Basilica confessional. Similarly, students spent more time than ever studying, as they were unwilling to leave the library once they got in. There was a more visible number of student athletes in the classroom, as they had the best reflexes to obtain their Okta code the fastest.

While the student body is not yet on board with the change, Fr. Dowd C.S.C. does not seem at all worried. When asked if he had any concerns about the matter, he simply responded, “No.”

NDPD reported that the trial was an overall success, as no unauthorized individuals have entered campus buildings since students also stopped getting in. NDPD looks forward to full implementation of the program in the upcoming summer, confident that the University’s number one priority — its buildings — will remain safe.