The Lenten season is underway, and it’s time to be choose what to give up and how to tell everyone you know, have ever met or driven next to on the freeway. Don’t miss these three tips to truly make the most of your metaphorical 40-days-in-the-desert.
1. The Bigger, the Better
When choosing what to give up for Lent, this rule is incredibly important. You don’t want to be that kid who gives up chocolate or “tries to pray more,” because frankly, that’s just embarrassing. To be safe, don’t settle for anything less than giving up meat and pledging to run four half-marathons. I mean, do you even care that Jesus died for your sins if the best you can do is avoid sweets for a few weeks?
2. The Louder, the Better
You may think to yourself, “What I do for Lent is a private choice that should stay between God and me. There’s no need to brag about the enormity of my sacrifice to everyone within earshot.” If you find this evil, corrupt thought sneaking into your head, banish it immediately. Do not fall prey to this “humble” course of action, just like Jesus did not fall to Satan’s temptations in the desert. Everyone needs to know about your sacrificial devotion to the Lord Our God, and “everyone” includes, but is not limited to: your friends, your parents, your pets, your junior-year-of-high-school-ex-boyfriend’s mom, the guy who cut you off in traffic, your freshman year Gen Chem lab TA, the bouncer at Feve, the application for Fr. Jenkins’ office hours, benefactors of the university and Hillary Rodham Clinton.
3. There is no third tip. The first two tell you everything you need to know.
By following the first two pieces of advice, you can’t go wrong. Whenever you want to broadcast to your entire Facebook news feed that you will not be able to respond to any posts they put on your timeline until after the Resurrection because you are holy and they are God-hating pagans, or when a New Year’s Resolution would simply be too much, know that Lent is the time for you.
At the end of the day, just remember to ask yourself: What would Jesus do [if he was dying on the cross and looked down to see that you didn’t even give up Twitter for Lent]?