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It’s 2 a.m. and I am jealous of the printer, for it is in sleep mode and I am not. I need to print the reading I have yet to complete, but like my sleepy roommate, the printer refuses to wake up. Barbara (it is 2 a.m. and thus my naming of the printer is justified) flashes her red, angry lights, as if to say “How dare you wake me at this hour?” After she realizes I am not going to give up, she groans and switched her light from red to orange to green. “Ready to print paper,” she finally responds. If only I were ready to read said paper.

Barbara doesn’t work well at 2 a.m., and we probably don’t either. They tell us sleep strengthens our immune system and helps us process information we’ve learned throughout the day. Sleeping at night helps us avoid sleeping during class. It also stops our eyes from looking bloodshot 24/7.

The problem is that college students are normally with their friends around bedtime, and no one wants to play the babysitter and announce it’s time to go to sleep. You have accepted that you are always going to be the first to break up the party and actually get some rest. You have also accepted your friends are vampires who don’t need sleep. You’re not too concerned, though, for you’re pretty sure they drink Red Bull instead of blood. You don’t want to become one of them, though, and the inner corners of your eyes are already turning red. You must get out before you are fully transformed.

You may have successfully peeled yourself away from your friends at LaFun and made it to your dorm. Your plan to hit the hay may still be thwarted when you run into Susan in the bathroom. Susan always has the most intriguing stories to tell. You nod your head as you brush your teeth and spit, but you can’t find a good spot in her monologue to interject/exit.

Last night, she informed you about the pros and cons of the juice cleanse she just started, so you figure she’ll need to get rid of some of those liquids soon.

Eventually, your roommate comes in to save the day. As she washes her hands, you give her the “SAVE ME” eyebrows in the mirror. She understands. The two of you have come up with a plan to get away from Susan’s never-ending stories; the Keurig needs fixing quite often — whenever you make the “SAVE ME” eyebrows, in fact.

The two of you wave au revoir to the garrulous gal and exit to fix that darned machine (which isn’t broken.) You love Susan, but you like your pillows, too. You might even like your Tempurpedic. When you woke up this morning, you realized your head was totally crushing him last night. He’s the perfect blend of soft and supportive. How dreamy. The more time you spend with him, the more refreshed you look and feel. What significant other can compete with that?

We college students may be able to solve our sleeping woes by falling hard for and on our pillows. Look out @NDCrushes. The pillows are coming.