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The most shocking story to emerge from Notre Dame’s recent fall break came from sophomore Emmett Conway of Stanford Hall. Multiple sources report that Conway managed to maintain an entire conversation with a public university student without coming off as condescending at any point in the interaction. 

While on break, Conway visited friends at the University of Michigan, a notoriously liberal public university located in Ann Arbor. To his great dismay, the Notre Dame student was immediately trapped in conversation with his intellectually inferior public university friends. However, Conway achieved an incredible feat when he did not come across as condescending, patronizing or supercilious — which are all large words that Conway’s friends surely would not understand — at any point in the conversation. 

“It wasn’t an easy conversation, I’m not going to lie,” said Conway in an exclusive interview with Scholastic. “It’s so easy to patronize people who know less than you, and obviously my friends at public universities know less than me. But I tried to talk at their level, which made the conversation much easier.” 

Conway’s public university friends also weighed in on the conversation. “I was surprised. Normally Emmett can’t talk for 10 minutes without being pretentious. Something must have changed,” said one of Conway’s friends. 

“Almost all private school kids are conceited, but something about Notre Dame students is truly special. They can’t seem to get through a single conversation without being condescending, which is why my discussion with Emmett was really amazing,” said another of Conway’s friends. 

Reports also add, however, that Conway could not maintain his performance later in the fall break when he visited friends at Michigan State University. “Well, it was impossible not to talk down to my Michigan State friends. I mean, come on, they go to Michigan State,” added Conway.