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Dear Santa,

During Thanksgiving break, I was only asked three questions:

“How are your grades this semester?” Please keep in mind that I now attend college — a good one, at that — and not my small, underfunded high school.

“Are you seeing anyone?” I’m actively avoiding anyone who considers me dateable at the moment, given the state of, well, everything.

“What do you want for Christmas?” Ah, finally: a question I can answer without cringing. 

What do I want for Christmas? Please just pay off the interest on my student loans. I’m not even asking for the entire loan — please just get that ever-climbing interest off my back.

Sadly, my mother claims this isn’t a “real gift,” and said it was even more impersonal than a gift card. So she’s just getting me gift cards instead (By the way, gift cards can’t be used to pay off student loans. I know because that’s what I tried back in June when I had my birthday).

Santa, you’re my only hope. I know we haven’t been on the best of terms since the whole Rudolph fiasco of ‘04, but you’ve got to help me out, man. I’ve been mostly good: I’m not failing anything, I’ve only skipped like two — eight, tops — classes this semester. I have 0 minor-in-possession charges. I only ask my parents for spending money on the rarest of occasions and I didn’t start any family-destroying fights this election season.

That all has to count for something, right? Maybe that something isn’t all of the interest being paid off, but can you toss like $50 into my stocking, or something?

Thanks in advance,

A college student