A group of four seniors announced last month that they were going to throw the Kickoff Darty of the Century at their off-campus house on Cedar Street to welcome the new year.
This past Wednesday, students gathered in hordes at Guacamole’s Mexican Grill in Mishawaka, as they do nearly every Wednesday night. Per usual, the night was filled with “IDs” and limitless cheap margaritas.
I was alone in my room after dark, reverently sacrificing mushy dining hall bananas to the HERE™ spirits that lurk among my menagerie of green and white icons, when the spirits spoke to me: “Inform your fellow students that following laundry room etiquette helps to ensure public health and safety.”
Let me just say that I am not a bad guy; in fact, I would consider myself to be a pretty good guy. I think about volunteering sometimes, I eat my vegetables and I regularly follow nine of the ten commandments (I occasionally covet my neighbor’s house). However, I do seem to have one fatal flaw that some may consider to be “irredeemable”: I need to blow out every single candle in the Grotto.
Dear Mr. Bank of America,
My name is Preston McNickels, and I am a Notre Dame sophomore interested in breaking into the world of investment banking. I am certain that you must be extremely busy, so I am going to start off by apologizing profusely for taking up more than a second of your valuable time. I wanted to reach out to potentially set up a brief call to discuss your experience in the field.
Restrictions on student life from the top brass at Notre Dame rubbed a lot of people the wrong way.
Scholars worked tirelessly over the summer, concocting the following list to give you a few options for when you’re walking to class alone and trying to look ‘cool’ while doing so.
It seems that a deep, campus-wide hatred of Zoom is not the only consequence of last year’s hybrid learning experience.
Despair hung heavily in the eyes of those once bright, young people. It was supposed to be a special day – a spectacular day – made just for us, the students of Notre Dame.
When the Duncan family donated millions of dollars to build their student center, I doubt they imagined that the building’s vibe would be solely determined by a student employee with a deep nostalgia for 2000s pop music.
With current regulations loosening, NDTV has decided to resurrect this show with a fresh cast of characters and a new romantic star.
There is a lethargy haunting the quiet quadrangles of our quaint university.
Groundbreaking information has recently been brought to light surrounding the underground gambling ring that exists under Notre Dame Stadium.
You have a planner. You actually use it. It’s color-coded.
What compels a person to give up so much of their time for the cause? A sense of duty? A love of poking things? A heart of gold?
A new banner replaces the HERE sign hanging down the front of the main building: “Survivor’s” iconic oval logo stamped with “outwit, outplay, outlast.”
Rev. JayJay Jaykins has assumed emergency authority, consolidating all university power beneath his office.
One student, who I’ll call Jack, opened my eyes to an underground squash ring that flew in the face of university pandemic policies. He also consented to me using his quotes in this article under the condition of anonymity.
After watching the award-winning documentary “Icarus” on Netflix over winter break, Nick Salivatti had an idea. Inspired by the elaborate blood swapping scheme that allowed Russian athletes to test negative for use of performance-enhancing drugs, Salivatti realized he could run a similar racket based on campus’s hottest commodity: COVID-free spit.
Controversy erupted on South Quad this past weekend as a ragtag group of extreme outdoorsmen showed up to newly established South Lodge expecting to find an actual hiking lodge.
Upon returning to campus after a two-month sabbatical, the worry of contracting COVID-19 has been replaced by an even more pressing threat to physical health: Notre Dame students have lost their investment in the university’s toilet tissue issue. Not only is the excitement of returning to campus disrupted by the gaping holes between stalls which permit the awkward locking of eyes with fellow Domers, students are also forced to endure ultra-rough and not-so-quilted TP across campus.
Notre Dame students aren’t the only ones struggling to make ends meet this semester. Data from the Department of Even Micro-er Economics on campus shows that the leftover food market, a main source of economic activity for the cockroach population, has nearly ground to a halt.
So you’re single … you must be or you wouldn’t be reading this incredibly helpful article on being single.
Now that over 10 percent of Notre Dame’s student body has officially contracted COVID-19, we here at Scholastic thought that we should provide a handy email template for informing your friends, family, professors and any other parties about your COVID-19 diagnosis.
When gearing up to return back to campus, many students were concerned about their chances of contracting COVID-19, on top of many other perilous threats. In the scramble, we never saw the bees coming.
Adirondack chairs. Fire pits. Those lights that make you feel like you’re at an outdoor coffee shop in a gentrified neighborhood of your nearest major city. You know it as Library Lawn! One day it wasn’t there, and the next day you couldn’t get a seat. But how did campus’s favorite attraction come…
In a leaked report from the office of Father JayJay I. Jaykins, C.S.C. a surprising clause appeared at the bottom of the page: students are banned from having friends on campus!
Who says that COVID means we can no longer date? It’s my honor to introduce you to (drum roll please) — Notre Dame Quarantine Dating. Here is a survival guide for you to make your date count:
Faced with the possibility of another online semester, an unbelievably tense national political climate and a crushing sense of uncertainty surrounding everything she cares about, Notre Dame sophomore Katherine Davis has come to the somber realization that the results of her recent COVID-19 test constitute the only shred of positivity in her life right now.
Upon hearing the announcement that Notre Dame would be joining the Atlantic Coast Conference for the 2020 football season, Scholastic reached out to students from several ACC institutions to get their take. Boston College fans were particularly angered by the news, as most of them remained secretly embittered by being denied admission to Notre Dame as high school seniors.