Proclaiming that He is “really starting to question that whole ‘free will’ thing,” our good Lord has ordered an early snow this fall in response to the College Republicans’ recent endorsement of Donald Trump for President. 

Though He remarked that He did enjoy reading some of the comments on the group’s Facebook post, the Divine King admitted to accidentally setting a cornfield ablaze in Kansas while reading the pronouncement. 

Our Savior noted that He “just isn’t sure what to do anymore,” insisting that when He tried to send the angel Gabriel to the group bearing a warning message, “they confused him for an illegal immigrant and threw quarter dogs at him for three hours.” 

When reporters asked how this decision compares to the group’s controversial choice to invite Ann Coulter to campus a few years ago, dark storm clouds gathered over eastern Chile and St. Peter appeared suddenly, mumbling, “I think you’d better go now.”